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here’s to another year

so i haven’t blogged in awhile

but today is the day for my blog to be “taken off the shelf, and dusted off” as it were


not necessarily because i have anything intelligent to write but:

a-i just watched “the social network” and felt the need to blog


b-i’m sitting at starbucks- and all artsy,intelligent,beautiful,caffeine addicted (really do i need i go on) people blog at “the bucks”


c-it’s my birthday, 25th actually, and it seems like i need to document such a monumental time in my life (maybe a little much?)



so here i sit, remembering the years i have been blessed to be given, and thinking about the future and all that it holds

some people take the passing of years, as a time to mourn youth lost, and eat ridiculous amounts icecream and cake to stuff their feelings and mark the passing of their life-this is somewhat of a depressive and unproductive use of time 🙂


i have often wondered where i would be when i was 25, and certainly, where i am now, is not what i would have logically assumed i would have ended up


sometimes, you may wonder what would have happened if you took a different path, went a different direction, maybe life would be “better”, or more “successful”, but much like the icecream and cake gorging, this mind set is futile


i have sought to follow Christ, and it hasn’t really been to where i expected, but i have seen His hand at work in it all

you can’t live in regret

can’t live by a worldly standard for success


because as c.s lewis said:

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

. this world, and all it’s false promises are fleeting


i need to live in this life, in obedience to Him,

.my only satisfaction

.serve Him in this world, with my eyes on the next, where my true hope lies



so is this where i thought i would be? – in short, no

. but do i regret the journey – not one step



. so here is to another year:full of hope, purpose, meaning and love


. not knowing the future, but confident in the One who does






.just breathe.


do you ever feel like you are holding your breathe?

like you are  almost to the waters surface and can’t wait to feel the air burst over you and then breathe it in deeply?


sometimes there are seasons and circumstances in life that remind me of this feeling


right now, school is almost over, i am making it to the “surface”, albeit slowly (haha), but i know i will get there



i can sense a freedom, and it drives me forward and pushes me onward



in a way, this reminds me of the hope i have in Christ

no matter the circumstance or trial, the hope laid before me is enough



this doesn’t mean i live my days, just waiting for the next season, or the trial to be over

i need to let the hope that is set before me, in Christ,  not only draw me into the future,

but also let this Hope sustain my every moment



so that sounds good – but how does that look in my life ?


unfortunately i don’t think there is a magic formula


in a paradoxical way, it is quite simple yet not always easy


living in this Hope requires us to trust


to trust He knows what is best, and live and act like we believe it



no matter what happens in life – ever changing circumstances are not our god, Christ is, and His love never changes


and no matter what our days hold

or the fear that may come while “below the surface”

know that the same God who gives you the breathe in your lungs

will sustain you when it “feels” like your short of breathe



hope in the One who is Hope

may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

romans 15:13

.just breathe.


another “homework avoidance” blog – gotta love ’em

-so here she goes-



in my last post i was reflecting on how vital time with Jesus is to revive and sustain us

so, since i don’t want to be a “lie-face”, i am trying to take my own advice and therefore i have sought to take more time with Him

consistency in my time with the Lord can be a struggle

but I know He is faithful – even when I seem to lack in that area –

so with all that said – the following is just a little “somethin’-somethin” of what i have been meditating on

1 John 4:18 says:

“there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love”

admittedly, i am somewhat of a “scaredy-cat”

i fear  failure/rejection/the unknown/that my life won’t make a difference …

and the list goes on

(i am also afraid of clowns and small spaces – but i wasn’t sure if it was poetic enough to make the list – hahahaha)



but the other morning while meditating on 1 John – i was ever minded that Christ alone is my Perfect Love

and although i am far from perfect, when i cling to Him as my source,  He can perfect His love in me

no amount of affirmation, confirmation, encouragement, validation from others could ever make my fears subside


it is only Christ that can calm those fears


and because of who Christ is, and His work on the cross – He can not only calm my fears, but cast them away

my confidence is not in man, or my own abilities, but in the power of God for:

1 John 4:9-10

“this is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”




so know and abide in that Love that casts out all fear

for He is trustworthy

He knows what is best

and despite what we see around us, or what we may feel in our hearts,

God is faithful, God is true, God is Perfect love – and His love will always carry you

do you ever feel like you are going a million different directions at once?

too many commitments

too many expectations-both from yourself and from others

like your days are eaten by evil time stealing leprechauns (maybe that is just me – haha)

maybe it just feels like this because it is the end of a school year

i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel

but alas, i am still in the tunnel –

this feeling has also been mixed with the impulse to just jump in my car and drive –

drive into the sunset, preferably towards an ocean, windows down, music blaring


but i guess that doesn’t really solve my problem – i can’t just run

can there be freedom for the soul in a season of obligations ?

it is in these seasons of life that i am ever reminded on my dependance upon Christ!

it is by His strength alone that i can find freedom and peace –

a freedom not dependent on circumstances but in Christ alone

a verse that seems to be running through my brain these days is from psalm 73:26

“my flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

God is faithful

it is easy to just try to plow through our days, trying to be productive –

funny, but sometimes i have this idea that since i know the Lord is so forgiving,

i can take time from Him to devote to other things –

i may be able to do this for awhile, but i am quickly reminded that on my own i am weak !

i become desperately aware of my need for my first Love, my Creator and Sustainer,

my Hope, my Strength

but although I fail, Christ never has and never will

so take heart!

take time with Christ – let Him breathe new life into you

abide in Him, meditate on His Word, live in His love

the soundtrack to this blog – paper tongues : get higher

“when my backs against the wall, you’re the hand that breaks my fall” – get higher

we are to“ love one another, to give ourselves to each other until it hurts. it does not matter how much we give, but how much love we put into our giving”

-Mother Teresa

today the word “love” is used so flippantly.

we love our new shoes

we love that movie

we love coffee

we love getting a deal (especially prevalent among my dutch friends – haha)

we love the weather

but then…..

we love our neighbour?

we love God?

somehow I hope we do not love our friends as we love a good cup of java from starbucks – haha

so what does it mean to love?

in current culture it seems, it is all about what love does for me, how it makes me feel .. what can I get out of it

have you ever wondered if that is not what love is about at all?

the very best example of love in all of history,

is that God GAVE us His Son, to do for us what we could never do for ourselves,

to come in love,

to show love,

to die for love,

so that we could be reconciled to the One who is Love!

cause all for love, Christ gave until it hurt, even unto his own horrific murder on the cross

but death could not stop Him, and the grave could not keep Him

LOVE conquered all

this Love compels me, drives me, moves me, carries me

and is found in the heart beat of God, for God is LOVE, empowering me to do what I could never do alone

this love amazes, inspires, humbles and quite honestly scares me

if Christ is my example of love, how can i ever love like that ?

well, i  can’t!!!

not by myself anyways

1 John 4:19 says “we love because He first loved us”

so walk in that love, being held in the arms of Love, to those who need Love

“true love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy. that is why we must pray to God and ask Him to give us the courage to love”

-Mother Teresa

pray for the courage, the strength, the perseverance to love –

because although it is not easy, a life lived in Love, for Love is worth it

I Corinthians 13

here goes nothing…

it is a rainy day

sitting at starbucks with my carmel macchiato in hand, mac keyboard under my fingertips,tunes playing in my headphones


i am in a reflective/artsty/lazy mood – so what do i do to occupy my time – i create a blog

isn’t that what everyone does when they are in this mood ! haha

i hesitated to create one, because what it really the point?

why would anyone want to read my random rantings?

and honestly, i am already drowning in the social networking.facebooking.twittering.cell phone sea of connectivity ,

do i really need a blog? for reals?

but, with all that said, i love writing – expressing what  i have been learning and what God has been doing in my life -all the deep and even seemingly shallow things of life – but it is all real, all apart of the journey i am walking with Jesus.

so why not share it? share the greatness of the God whom i serve, share life – the miraculous, the mundane

maybe no one reads this – and that is ok –

but even if one person does and is encouraged, spurred on – i guess the random rantings are worth it

so here goes nothing …. trying to point the Something, Someone bigger than me

“the Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.

the eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season.

You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on Him in truth.

He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him,

He also hears their cry and saves them ”

psalm 145:14-19